similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
