mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize