I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
