did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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