every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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