I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i've created a new STD.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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