She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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