then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
