I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
