My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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