he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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