When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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