I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
