you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
