I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
