well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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