dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
