im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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