are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
