I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
