Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
