he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
