Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
