I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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