I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
