Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
