is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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