I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
