if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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