i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
