Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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