It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
