I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
