I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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