I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
