Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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