proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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