he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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