I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
