It's like God shit irony all over that family
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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