i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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