he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
