How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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