just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
