Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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