She is in my trunk
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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