forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
