went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just pee around me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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