you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
