It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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