so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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