guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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