R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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