i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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