Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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