Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
