i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
