i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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