i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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