i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
