my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize