she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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