I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
