had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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