All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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