That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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